What Have I Done?
by Tobiasven
Summary: Snape's thoughts directly after the Tower Incident.


Title: What Have I Done?  
Author: Tobiasven  
Disclaimer: I own my soul and a little hat that says Property of the U.S. Government. So, no, HP and all related angst is not mine.  
Summery: Snape's thoughts after the Tower Incident.  
Author's Notes: Wow, this was actually the first short I ever wrote. I first one I will admit to writing anyway.

What Have I Done?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Severus Snape leaned against the window watching the rain lash his house. He sighed heavily and stared out at the dieing lawn. _What have I done? _Lighting stuck and the bright sparks made him look away. A blond haired boy was asleep, curled in his favorite chair. The boy wasn't comfortable nor was he having pleasant dreams but the potion Severus slipped into his tea would keep him there for hours. The Potions Master would need that long to process what he had done.

_What have I done?_

_You protected the boy._

_Which boy?_

_The one that matters._

That was still a cryptic answer. Potter would destroy the Dark Lord but Draco Malfoy was the closest thing he had to a child of his own. He would die for that boy even before the Unbreakable Vow had been cast. He would die for him, them. He shivered even though the room was unbearably warm.

The portrait above the mantle moved. A dark haired man with a perpetual scowl stared down at Draco then at Snape. "Little young for you isn't he?"

Snape turned back to the window refusing to look at the picture. "Found your way out of that maze did you? I'll have to work harder next time."

The man tried to walk out of the portrait but the frame rebuffed him and he turned to stare at the figure by the window. "What trouble have you gotten into now, boy?"

"My own trouble, Tobias, now go away." Most of the time he enjoyed arguing and hexing the memory of his father but not tonight. He didn't want to fight tonight.

"Oh, I know that look, someone died. Did you finally do it yourself, boy? Or did one of your fine friends do it while you whimpered in the corner like a coward," the painting mocked.

Severus smirked and looked back. "You'd be proud of me, Toby. I killed a man that was better than you in every way. He was a friend, a father, and the greatest wizard that ever lived. I didn't even blink."

Tobias Snape turned pale, a strange feat in a painting. "You are a monster, Severus. I've said so since the day you were born. All that magic nonsense, it went to your head. I should have snapped your neck when I had the chance."

Severus kept a tenuous hold on his rage. "But you didn't and now your only self is a shadow in a painting. The rest of you is rotting in a shallow grave with ten other inconsequential muggles."

Tobias shrugged. "And you are here. Still trying to get yourself out of a mess you started twenty years ago. My soul is at peace, boy. Is yours?"

"Your soul is in hell," he said.

The portrait smiled. "Then we'll have a round of golf when you join me."

"_Incendio."_

Tobias ducked. He laughed as the background of the portrait blackened and withered. "Are you mad? You'll burn the house down before you take my picture down. Your mother was a witch with Charms."

There was a scrambling, then a thump, and a rat emerged from a bookshelf. The rat shook itself as it turned into a short scruffy man. "Why is that boy here, Snape? He should be working on the plan."

"He's a present for a job well done," Tobias mocked as he pulled himself above the frame.

"Well done?" Wormtail jittered excitedly. "Did you do it then? Is Harry dead?"

"Potter was never the target." Severus stared straight out the window. Shame as he never felt burnt its way into his chest.

"Not Potter? Then who-oh-Dumbledore. The boy succeeded in destroying Dumbledore." The little man giggled madly.

Severus closed his eyes tightly. _What have I done?_

_You protected the boy._

_Fuck the boy, I should have protected myself._

_Coward._

"I did what I had to do," Severus said, more to himself than to his unwanted and unwelcome company.

Wormtail cocked his head. "You killed him?"

Draco kicked out in his sleep and slid half off the chair. They both watched the drugged boy shift and find a comfortable position. _Yes, I am a coward. I'm sorry, Albus. _

"Did he beg? Did he beg, Snape? Tell me." Wormtail pawed at the hem of Severus' robes.

Severus sneered and kicked at the cowering man. "No, he didn't beg. He stood there and took it like the fool Gryffindor that he was." The lie came easy, easier than the truth anyway.

Wormtail bowed his head, disappointed, but then perked up. "Have you told the Dark Lord? He must know this great news."

"No, I have not. Why don't you go, Pettigrew?" He wanted the man out, any pretense would do.

Wormtail trembled with glee. "Oh yes, of course I'll go." With a pop he was gone.

Severus turned back to the window. The man in the portrait moved about trying to gage his son's mood but he stayed quiet for a first.

"What have I done?" he whispered.

_You protected the boy._

"I did what I had to do."

_Yes._

"Did I?"

The lightning flashed and lit the inside of the house. There was a dead silence afterward as he waited for the thunderclap. It never came.


End file.
